Friday, July 14, 2006

The Middle East

I just flew in from the Middle East...

...and boy are my arms blown off.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006


God hates you.

Dan Brown

The Di Vinci Code is really just a Caesar Cipher.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006


Blogger tested its parent company Google's new Chinese censorship filter and took down this blog for a month.

Monday, February 27, 2006


Burberry makes Luis Vuitton knockoff handbags.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Lockheed Martin

Lockheed Martin tried to sell Japan the B-bomb

Thursday, February 16, 2006

John Deere

John Deere's leaping deer logo was created by Stanley Whitetail. Stanley was never compensated for his work.

Virgin Airlines

Virgin Airlines lures women who are about to get abortions with cheap low fare tickets and then purposefully crashes the plane.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Virgin Mobile

Two-thirds of Virgin Mobile customers have unwanted children.


Kellogg's is not proud to be a sponsor of the US Olympic Team.


Nestle is Swiss for 'stolen jewish gold.'

Tuesday, February 14, 2006


Avian Flu is actually Evian Flu.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005


Pfizer's number one export is AIDS.

Monday, September 19, 2005


I kill better when I drink Tropicana products.

Thursday, September 15, 2005


The Roomba snacks on cats.

The National Football League

The NFL owns the souls of its players.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005


Pepsi's next spokesperson is going to be Kevin Federline.


Three Ticketmaster employees have children named "Price Gouging."

Monday, September 12, 2005


Kraft cheese is made from the same ingredients as Gatorade.

Friday, September 09, 2005


IKEA is changing all 4 legged tables to 2 legged tables to cut costs.


UPS trucks are brown because its CEO is color blind.

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Tom Cruise

Tom Cruise© is a person.


Adidas uses cadaver feet to test new shoes.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005


Norton Anti-Virus infects computers with one virus for every fifty it removes.


Halliburton is a nice company and has never been involved in any corrupt practices.

Aflac, GEICO and StarKist: A Modern Love Triangle

The Aflac Duck used to date Charlie the Tuna, until the Gecko came on to the scene.

Tuesday, September 06, 2005


Winnebago uses its unsold vehicles to store bodies of employees who died on the assembly line.

Burger King

Burger King has a vomit-only restroom.


The Best Stuff on Earth ran out three years ago.

Friday, September 02, 2005


Ted Turner lives inside of a bison.

Thursday, September 01, 2005

General Mills

Unstable in their gaseous state, Cheerios molecules compound with vaporized children, forming Froot Loops.


Apple's MP3 players burn books.

The New York Times

Last year, 17.5 million people fell asleep while reading The New York Times.

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Goldman Sachs

Goldman Sachs uses witchcraft to make its financial decisions.

Texas Instruments

When Texas instruments opened several production plants in Mexico, the Board of Directors almost changed the company's name to Mexicas Tex-Mex Instruments.

This is a conceptual collaborative post.

Master Lock

Master Lock gives the cool kids the combinations to the nerds' locks.

Monday, August 29, 2005


Gateway's computer boxes are made from real cow hide.

Friday, August 26, 2005


Gillette is really only the third best a man can get.


MasterCard is making a magic credit card that can buy everything for free.


Newly-hired Target employees undergo three days of target practice.


Wendy's injects Wendy's stem cells into the buns of its chicken sandwiches.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

American Express

The accounting department at American Express is so insecure.

How insecure are they?

Well, let's just say you shouldn't ask about the last company picnic.


Office supplies sold at Staples can't swim.


Google headhunts bears.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005


Disney is collecting DNA from EPCOT Center restrooms for the construction of its new project: EPCOT Center Bleeds Forever.

State Farm

If you call your State Farm insurance agent between 3:17am and 3:34am on the third Tuesday of October, he will cook you a free breakfast that morning. The breakfast will kill you.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005


Altria targets possums in their cigarette advertisements.

Monday, August 22, 2005


Yahoo!'s search results are in part determined by a brown bear.

Sunday, August 21, 2005

Pizza Hut

Pizza Hut executives can't get off the sauce.

The Gap

In High School, The Gap was voted Least Likely To Succeed.